I’ve found the following things helped me feel like my own person again have been- - Pushing myself to go to more events alone or with friends of my own has been great- Going on solo walks- Exploring my personal style a bit more- Making new friends/ dating more intentionally - Generally prioritising my interests, likes, dislikes and needs- Giving my partner more space to do things however he wants to do themI’m also thinking about restarting therapy again too 😊 so I have emotional support outside of my friends and anchor partner.
Wow, I love this conversation. For years I was so adamant that putting other people's needs before my own was a selfless act… when in fact it was rooted in a selfish need for people to like me. Through a few years of therapy and coaching, I am reconditioning old patterns of people-pleasing & resentment into self-care, saying no to things, speaking my truth, making decisions for myself, holding compassion for myself and others, and letting go of the fear of other people’s judgments. These are all ways that are gradually helping to build up my self-esteem and authenticity. Of I slip into old behaviours, but every time I catch myself, I know I can choose a better outcome. Saying no to others is saying yes to myself - and people actually respect you more for it!!! Mind-blowing stuff for me tbh.
Went through the same pattern and discoveries. I never really opened up and never been myself before 2020.I had friends for many years that didn't really know anything about me.My personality was like a flag, just changing based on the people around me, to be liked and respected.Life has improved so much since I started prioritising myself
It’s true that being more assertive and independent is sexy. But there’s sometimes a primal fear not to be liked, be rejected or losing someone because you’re living with stricter boundaries and maintaining a stricter agency.
I keep asking myself if the specific decision I'm making is good for me or not. But it's not error proof. So I have also a retrospective approach.Usually the day after doing something, I think how I feel, do I have more energy? Do I feel satisfied? Do I feel that what I did was not a waste of time/energy?If yes, good. If not, I tried to understand why then I chose to go trough that path, and try to avoid it in the future
As quite a rational person, I found it hard to square contradictions between my needs (other intimate connections) and my partner's (security and exclusive affirmation). But ultimately I learned that these things have to be felt not rationalized, and that a person not at peace with themselves will damage the relationship they're trying to prioritize anyway.
You can use the DEAR MAN GIVE interpersonal skills for that (if it is more about yourself respect and less about keeping the relationship as a priority, you can replace GIVE by FAST)