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how did you find out who you really are?

snippets of what people shared on campfire.

Mr X

some people go through their whole lives in a monotonous routine. others actually find out who they are; themselves, their values etc. if you have found out even a little of this about yourself - how did you do it?

M

Thereโ€™s a number of answers here. Cognitively, your brain ends development around age 27. So thatโ€™s one point at which you become most yourself. From a philosophical perspective, you arenโ€™t a persistent entity. Most of the cells in your body die and are replaced every few days to few months. In terms of how you experience the world, itโ€™s not clear that absent social pressure youโ€™d be a consistent self. There are anchoring experiences you have that social consensus reality forces you to identify with repeatedly throughout life. But intellectually, you can escape that. Your social relationships will likely suffer as a result. People like predictability and security. Your partners donโ€™t fall in love with you because they never know what kind of person they will get each day or even from hour to hour.

In essence, who am I is a hard question. How do I become myself is even harder when you donโ€™t know what the destination is.I suggest not to worry about it. Ultimately it doesnโ€™t matter because youโ€™re not knowable to others. And being knowable to yourself is entirely optional. Many people surprise themselves both positively and negatively all the time.

If you insist on knowing yourself, I suggest designing a life around maximizing experiences - both positive and negative. The only way to know yourself is to put yourself in every conceivable situation and see what you do with it.

T

This is a question I am struggling with and has been compounded by grief; the feeling that time is limited has added a pressure of trying to get to where I'm going soon so I don't miss it

T

M's advice is one I am trying to employ in my life myself and just let go of that question, live life the best I can right now and try as much as possible

I'm not sure there is necessarily a lightbulb moment where you breakout into the Greatest Showman (This is me). Rather, just step by step become more comfortable with yourself and with your environment

Mr X

Yeah, fork it - I see this perspective and it's often been my daily one "do I really need to know who I am etc"

So now, with that view - what would everyone's answers be if we said the question was "How did you become comfortable in/with yourself?"

M

Therapy and maturity

A

I'm still finding out and I'm cool with that.

T

I think we all are always finding out! Have you always been fine with that? How did you get there if not?

A

I think I felt like a nerd for a long time, but then I moved to Berlin and now I feel cooler, because I'm in a good place for me to thrive. I've also never been a person that really identified with any kind of sub-culture. Like I'm not a punk, etc....I think I've always kinda been this way.

Like I discovered I was bi when I went to a theater performance and i saw a lot of sexy ladies dancing. And I thought, "Wow. I'm attracted to women." So before that day I was straight and after that day I was bi.

I

I have no idea and at this point I'm too afraid to ask ๐Ÿ˜‚

H

How to do it? fuck around and find out? try on identities? do what lights you up and say no to things that don't?!?

H

I think the other trick is to be OK letting it go. Because you might try some thing in your life this is not doing it and sometimes you feel super invested that you know you bought that pottery wheel or that knife making kit, and now you feel committed because you're locked in. If you have the resources let it go and find something that totally makes you geek out

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