a healthy sex life can vary from person to person and is influenced by various factors such as age, physical health, mental health, and relationship status. what does it look like to you?

I think for everyone it's different. I think it has a lot of do with respecting your own boundaries, not harming others, getting consent and having the types and amount of sex that you want to have. This is going to look different for everyone.

Consent, boundaries, negotiation, aftercare

I think it involves the following bulletpoint list:

* Empathy

* Whimsy and play

* Inventiveness

* Making time

* Giving and receiving

* A sense of humour

* Care and consent

If I had to pin it on one thing I think it would have to be the bravery and compassion to be honest with yourself and others. I haven’t always managed that and I have not met anybody who has always succeeded in it.

From that come things that other ppl have mentioned like clear communication, boundaries that can be explored, consent, creation of a space in which ppl are able to be vulnerable, reciprocation, laughter.

Exactly - one of the reasons I mention sense of humour is actually for this reason. Sex is essentially hilarious - 2 (or more) sweaty mammals rubbing against each other. If you can't laugh with someone when they fall off (or whatever), take a break, then learn and improve then you're taking it too seriously.

I think a healthy sex life rolls into a healthy emotional connection also IMO. As much as I enjoy sex, I know I truly crave emotion and connection. The touch that makes me feel loved, wanted and cared for, even if in the moment. It's still a lot that I'm working on and I'm currently trying to understand if this is something I struggle with once real life sets in.

I couldn't quantify it into a number but there's also the need of not only feeling wanted but also when the passion runs deep in both rather than it being a (excuse the phrase) me on you and then you on me

Any advice on creating a strong and healthy emotional connection, please? Thanks!

That's down to personal preference. A lot of my last situation where healthy sex died out was when my ex partner was going to break up me because they couldn't take my depression just before lockdown then expected me to be ok with that after so much time afterwards. It caused a huge array of issues within me and us that recovery was tough and added to our demise.

The best thing I can say is communication but also self understanding

Honesty, vulnerability, and communication. All of it really comes down to those three things. Step one is finding a partner that you can share these three things with.

A big part of relationships is the vulnerability and trust. You cannot fully stop this from happening but you have to have faith and trust in the person that this won't happen. If you have decided to commit or be with this person in some capacity, you would have some trust already.

I think you should air your concerns with these parts. I have a video I love around this: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnXBRR0D5-d/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

it’s my responsibility to clearly communicate boundaries. If those boundaries aren’t respected, then it’s my responsibility to defend myself. If you govern your relationships (romantic or otherwise) in this way, you will see the number of people who you allow to occupy space within your orbit shrink. You’ll also see the people who do find their way into your orbit only contribute positivity to your life.

It all starts by making a conscious decision not to entertain people who detract from your positive existence. Don’t feed into their games by engaging. Wish them well as you gently excuse them from your life. Maybe some might find that hard. To me that’s way easier than maintaining draining relationships.

It feels easy to control situations, but I think it is deceptive. Shaping other ppl’s experience like that builds a cage for you and limits your opportunity to ever have something honest.

I get the impression that you’ve been hurt/disappointed in the past when vulnerable and are compensating with control. However that’s not the only possible response. If you’re honest from the start you’ll burn thru a lot of ppl who don’t want what you want but you’ll also have a core of ppl who align with you. It requires bravery, by which I mean feeling absolutely terrified and doing the thing anyway. Sometimes it’s not possible to do that, but I think it’s important to try. We only get so long to play in the world. We may as well try to reach the best we can.