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It's not about how you DO sex but about how you FEEL about sex

snippets of what people shared on campfire.

Haneen

I know what you mean when you say pleasure is less about technique and more about connection with our partner. I definitely feel my pleasure is heightened when I feel SAFE with my partner. I feel safe if I trust my partner will respect and celebrate my desires and boundaries. I feel safe if I can trust that they will voice their desires and boundaries. Then I can be more playful and try new things, cos I know we are both taking responsibility for our experience and I don’t need to caretake πŸ˜› We can listen to feedback without taking it personally. I know you said this tends to be more present with regular partners, but I believe this can be present with casual partners too!I’ve noticed the more I cultivate a trusting relationship with myself, the more consistently amazing my casual sex encounters have been. I teach myself to slow down, to pay attention to my body, to notice what I want, and value what I want. In other words, I take my needs seriously ❀️ I used to be quite dismissive of my body’s signals, because underneath it all - I didn’t feel worthy enough. So I’m finding - at least for me - the pleasure journey is also a self-worth journey in some way! To really learn to be my own best friend πŸ™‚ Another great way to establish trust quickly (with a casual partner) is to play the 3 minute game (from the wheel of consent) - one of my favourites!!!

Lulu

This is also an interesting one: costs Β£2,50.

Sarah

while my upbringing was certainly more sex-positive and open, this resonates a lot with me. Good sex for me is absolutely not about 'knowing the technique', but good communication and also feeling safe and free with your partner. And that of course also goes for partners, not just myself. If my partner(s) are feeling free and unashamed, that also brings a lot of joy to me. One of my partners grew up in a similarly repressive culture - I really enjoy it that she feels free to communicate what she wants, but also to communicate her limits.

Sophie

I love Meg John

Amy

I like the idea that "sex" can be a lot of different things. I like to think "sex" used as an activity actually means "sexual experiences". So "I had sex" actually means "I had a sexual experience.

Jake

Yeah, I agree! I think people have so many definitions of sex and what that actually means to them and it's good that it doesn't have a rigid definition because then people's differing sexual experiences aren't dismissed πŸ™‚I'm so glad that I've got away from the heteronormative ideology of sex just meaning penetration 😬

Haneen

Ohhhh I love the turn this conversation took, into what IS sex. πŸ‘€I totally agree - I also think the idea of normal or proper sex actually interferes with enjoying sex! Because then we’re preoccupied by questions of whether we’re doing it properly, how we compare against some ideal or norm

Haneen

Exactly! Sit down and literally have that conversation 😁 it’s a fun oneWe use the erotic blueprints framework to guide us, but I also like making my own ReadMe.

Sophie

I love this!! Feeling is soooo much more enjoyable than doing. It connects you to your deepest self as well as your partner(s’)s and keeps you away from being in your head obsessed about your performance.

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