talking about money can be intimidating but is said to help avoid arguments and tension in the long run. we wanted to see how you talk about money with your partners, if you do/don’t, at which point, etc.

talking about money can be intimidating but is said to help avoid arguments and tension in the long run. we wanted to see how you talk about money with your partners, if you do/don’t, at which point, etc.

Here to listen and learn. Growing up with a lot of financial trauma makes this something I fail to discuss in pretty much all aspects of my life 😅 so i'm interested to know how others do this.

I have two experiences of money in relationships:

In my first one my partner wasn't the most responsible. We kept separate accounts but costs would often fall to me, though we earned about the same, and I ended up becoming less forthcoming about what I had. Think resentment definitely built up on both sides as she felt insecure about money and also rubbed up against my thrifty nature. We didn't really talk about it much because of this tension.

In my new relationship, we again have separate accounts and but I'd say my partner is more sensible with her money. We do talk about it but not in detail like how much do you have, more about is pla X feasible with your resources, and we've recently been doing financial learning together. It feels much more comfortable and I'm even able to splurge more cus I don't worry I'll have to bail her out.

I think there is a healthy balance, as in all things. I don't think you need to audit each other but being able to understand what's possible financially I think means you avoid potential resentment

Thank you for sharing! Did you discuss how to handle expenses since the beginning or did it just fall into place with time?

I think it's good to have those talks early though, esp as you start thinking of joint expenditures like holidays or pets etc

Money in relationships is like anything else. Whether it’s time, attention, money, etc… you should get back what you invest into a relationship. So if one partner shoulders the bulk of the financial burden in a relationship, the other person (or people) should presumably contribute in other ways.

I was once in a relationship with someone who was going through a rough patch in her life. She was struggling financially and was going through some mild health issues with no insurance. I supported her because she was my partner and I was happy to do it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t getting back what I was putting in, and the relationship didn’t survive. It’s not like I was unhappy with her, but after it ended it felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. My point is that a relationship that is unequally yoked is a dysfunctional one. When you love someone, it’s easy to keep blinders on and endlessly support them even if it takes a toll on you. By the time you realize the toll it’s taken on you it might be too late. If you’re partner isn’t putting in their fair share into a relationship, I would talk to them about it openly and honestly. If it persists, there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first and leaving.

I'm needlessly old fashioned and feel that I should pay for everything and do. My partner is open to paying for more stuff but I know they'd find it difficult, so of course I won't let them. Plus hate to sound like a dinosaur but I suspect that at a subconscious level it would kill their attraction to me a bit. All thoughts are welcome.

Cis man here, and I agree with this sentiment. I don’t know whether it’s biological, social conditioning, a combination of the two or something else. But taking care of the financial aspects of a partner is how I express commitment.

Yep - for me I can see the conditioning ("men must pay" growing up etc.) alongside my dad unfortunately not being able to do that for a lot of his marriage and being constantly emasculated and belittled from it being one factor. My brother and I grew up feeling like we'd move mountains to ensure that didn't happen to us. And for sure, we did.

I agree with this 100%!! I may bevthe breadwinner but my partner is very handy. Does tons around the house that I would have to throw more money at.

I absolutely see what you mean. I've seen it happen in my parents' marriage as well and it continues to be talked about even now that they are divorced. Both of them were working and their incomes went into the house equally and even then, there was a lot of resentment from my mother's side, which makes this even harder as a topic as I still don't know how to manage it in a way that is fair to both parties while also avoiding one side feeling inadequate (as I am in a primarily traditional leaning culture)

In Islam, women are given better financial rights/security compared to men. A married woman isn’t required to spend money from her income/property on her husband/household.