Help! I don't know how to navigate being stuck between two friends having had an abusive relationship

snippets of what people shared on campfire.


Slowly two friends/colleagues have been revealing what happened between them, which is not pretty, including r*pe and stalking allegations. Both are very unstable personalities, so I'd neither be surprised by the things that have happened like that, nor if it proved to be shit-talking. In any case, neither seems to want to deal with it, no mental help, no involving the authorities. Since they are not accepting my offers of help, but I keep seeing them slip down into deeper depths, I'm at a loss on how to place myself here. I judge myself for inaction but see nobody else in the environment take action either, which makes me wonder if I'm the only one that sees it, or if I'm over-involving myself. I'm looking for some outsider perspective! ๐Ÿ†˜โฃ๏ธ


Itโ€™s not your responsibility to fix other peopleAlso, I would strongly consider if these are the types of people you want to have as friends in general


Hard to help people who don't want help. I'd prob talk to the 'victim' and see how they want to take things if I am honest. But difficult situation


This is obviously a very tricky situation and while I understand your desire to support them, the question you should focus on is, how will your involvement in this affect you and your mental health, when it's apparent that they do not want to help themselves?

Sorry, to clarify, I have myself learned the hard way after several times trying to help friends who did not want to help themselves and every time, all that's happened is I be one miserable and my anxiety spirals down, and nobody is actually any better off.

It is impossible to know who did what and when when it's allegations on both ends, unless there is some kind of evidence toward either party.


Iโ€™d probably be very sad but steer away from them. Not the kind of folk Iโ€™d like to be associated with. BTDT.


best case scenario, everyone is lying with the intent to do massive reputational damage. How long before one or both of these people decide youโ€™ve wronged them and unleash on you?

Worst case scenario all the horrible things they say have happened. So now youโ€™re basically saying it doesnโ€™t matter how horrible these people are, I want to be their friend.

I think this situation illuminates your own psychological situation more than whatever these people are going through. Any involvement beyond what is asked for is too much involvement. And they clearly havenโ€™t asked.


I am not sure how easy or possible this is, but I would remove myself from this organization ASAP. These people sound very toxic and you are not safe.

It reminds me of some kind of hostage negotiation. A professional negotiator can convince a hostage taker to put down his weapon, if he wins him over. You aren't a professional, and there is no willingness on their side. In this metaphor, you're a hostage and trying to be a negotiator will likely get you shot.

I recommend physically removing yourself from these people.


This is valid. If removing yourself isnโ€™t feasible, then I think you should set very clear boundaries about what youโ€™re willing/unwilling to discuss with your colleagues. If there is an HR department you may want to consider involving them at some point. No one is entitled to your mental energy. Not your colleagues, not your friends, no one.

ย see your quote and want it taken down? contact us.

want more snippets?