Let's talk pronouns: changing them and what makes them right for you

snippets of what people shared on campfire.


Hi!! I’ve been thinking about changing my pronouns but wanted to hear from others about their journey in doing so. Mine are currently she/her but I’m thinking about using she/they going forwards.


To provide some more context…The reason I’ve been thinking about changing is because I want to contest the gender expectations associated with she/her. However, I’m also feeling that this isn’t a valid reason for doing so.


I changed mine a couple years ago, from he/him to they/he. I didn't think it was much of a big deal at the time, but it's actually been a really important part of coming-out to myself. It's really forced me to confront what "gender non-binary" actually means in practice, and also to accept that I'm a member of the broader trans community.


I personally think that's a good reason to do so, no matter what society has to say. If you feel like the gender expectations that come with she/her do not align with what you want to put out into the world, then it's absolutely valid. That was also the reason why I started to debate doing so myself. While I'm comfortable being she/her, I'm not comfortable only being perceived as such....if that makes sense?


That totally makes sense! I think I’ve felt it especially strongly as a parent. Being a mother has made those gender expectations feel especially heavy at times.


I would agree! I think the tension of gend pronouns is they play dual role of expression and perception. There are historical associations with the pronouns that society has codified. As such there comes expectations with those perceptions which is where I think we get stifled.I think society is (hopefully) shifting in a way that makes expression the priority and you perceive what is being shown to you. So I think it makes sense to question our pronouns, expand existing ones, and create new ones!


Although I can sometimes question my gender assignation and denomination (as any other social construct), I never felt the need to change my pronouns.That being said, I prefer when people are writing their pronouns by their names so it automatically question any assumptions around gender identity.

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