in the last year, people on the internet have been sharing their red flags in all types of relationships that have ranged from legit pinpoints of potential abuse to normal human behaviour. recently, the “icks” trend has taken over and while many are glad people are sharing what they think and offering insight into preferences, others consider these trends to be extremely problematic and that they have “ruined the dating experience” by making folks more insecure. Which side are you on and why?

I think, as is often the case on the internet, red flags and the ick have been morphed over time away from their original meaning/ intention.

I think that if something you do gives someone the ick, then their not for you. Being aware that it gives them the ick may make you feel temporarily self conscious but I think that's ok and a natural part of human interaction, like telling a joke no one laughs at

I also think that at first, the red flags thing was actually pretty mind-opening, especially since it went hand in hand with green flags too. But as with everything on the internet, a few memes down the line and it loses all its meaning. I feel like a lot of information on abuse, toxicity, etc. had been gatekept for a very long time (since it kind of used to be taboo to discuss these private things) and I liked how people were becoming more aware of telling signs of controlling behaviour (especially for young people who are inexperienced and hearing from older folks who have been there and done that). I wished it continued in that direction.

As for the icks, it was funny at first not going to lie and I agreed with a lot of them but now it's like "when someone bends down to tie their shoes" 😂 so I just scroll past when I see it now.

I heard one person say trainers with socks is an ick! 😂😂

I don't think any of this has made me more insecure. If someone doesn't think I'm totally awesome, then they're not the right partner for me.

The concept of red flags can be useful. Like to avoid being with someone that mistreats you.

"Icks" I've never heard of.

Red flags are very useful. A non-exhaustive list:

- Coldplay or EDM fans

- folks who watch films with dubbing

- folks who think Japanese food = sushis

- folks who pose with the Machu Picchu behind them

- white people with dread locks

etc.