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Is it possible to unlearn jealousy indefinitely?

snippets of what people shared on campfire.

Torsten

Hello dear campfire friends,I am very excited to share something that got me thinking recently. I hope we'll have a fun discussion!Jealousy can become a difficult challenge in non-monogamous relationships. A cause for this destructive emotion can be contradictory social norms. For example, heterosexual men are often implicitly taught that they have exclusive ownership over their partner's body. Similarly, most people have been brought up with the idea that material and emotional safety can only be guaranteed within a monogamous relationship. If our partner breaks these rules we might be left feeling insecure and in fact jealous.But if we can rationally convince ourselves that these norms have no relevance for us, shouldn't it be theoretically be possible to unlearn jealousy? What makes this so difficult and how can it be done? Furthermore, can we succeed once and for all or do we have to overcome jealousy for each romantic constellation separately? In brief, is it possible to unlearn jealousy indefinitely?

Aitor

Most of the time I’m not jealous. I’m probably on the whole, a lot less jealous than I was when I was younger. I can’t say what made the change or how successful it has been, but I don’t expect that it will ever be gone completely, never to return, and don’t really set that as a goal.

Curtis

Very interesting! It makes sense to me intuitively that jealousy comes from the self in relation to the partner. Thus it may be possible to unlearn jealousy by becoming more independent and confident, but I think it can always come up as situations evolve!

S-J

think jealousy is fear of abandonment mixed with fear of missing out.'This resonates with me. So was discussing with my dad I believe it's possible to address one's jealousy when we're aware of it & if we have the will.I am begrudgingly accepting jealousy is one of my characteristics & seriously want to change it.I don't want to dwell on why however I've a distrust of men & I think it's time I addressed that otherwise I can potentially miss out on amazing trustworthy men in friendship & relationships & I want to avoid that as deep down I love men in many ways 🤗

Elizabeth

I tend to distinguish between jealousy and envy for me:Jealousy - feeling like I don't want someone to have a thing. Envy - I want to also have the thing that someone else has.It helps me to get to the root of what emotions are sitting beneath it. The first, jealousy, is usually fear of loss. The second, envy, is that some of my needs aren't being met. That makes it much more useful for me to understand which of the sometimes deep, old fears or feelings are being prodded in me, so I can do something about them. So that tends to mean that the base emotions/fear that sit below the jealousy need reassurance. The feelings that sit below the envy tend to need activity/agreement. In each case, they need me to understand what it is I need, and clearly ask for it.

Christa

i feel like it’s a constant process! our relationships to others are so… vast, and different and the dynamics are so beautiful. Unlearning jealousy indefinitely? I’m not sure It’s quite possible since jealousy is usually *reactive* based off someone’s actions. It’s a constant process and someone may trigger that nervous / anxious response. So you can accept and do the work to unlearn jealousy individually, but ultimately it’s up to that dynamic you share with others.

Smith

I was able to unlearn jealousy by practicing mindfulness and following the teachings of Buddhist philosophy (not to be confused with the religion). If you do the work to diminish the self, or the ego as Western phycology would call it, then jealousy losses all power. After all, it is a false emotion that masks underlying emotions such as fear, lack of self worth, insecurity, attachment, and many others. Peel the onion and you'll see that jealousy is an illusion and stands in direct conflict with the ability to love unconditionally. 🧠

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