we can all agree Valentine's Day is commercialised - however do you do anything or give anything to your partners around that date?

I'm a sentimental bitch so I do like to at least write a nice message or buy them some valentine's day thing like a flower or chocolate (usually as a joke) if we're in the same city/can meet. Mainly I just send them those stupid valentine's meme cards that pop up every year with cheesy dad jokes 😂 although...it's been a while since I've had someone on Valentine's to send them to so my friends end up suffering with the memes instead

Now this is my kind of Valentines messaging - cheesy memes and chocolates! I just don't want to scare off my new ENM partners by being too ... much?

Nah, I prefer to surprise spoil any partner randomly through the year, I don't see why there should need to be a special day to show someone you love them.

Agreed - just like getting my partner nice flowers randomly too (side note - so many people would joke that I was "apologising" for something big - are the squares alright?!).

However nothing at all to mark Valentine's day or is it just too problematic?

Valentine's can be quite problematical I think, society has conditioned us to feel under pressure spending money we don't necessarily have to make a grand gesture, not to mention the people in abusive relationships who feel under pressure to "serve" their "partner" (I'm a domestic abuse survivor, so I'm talking from experience)My personal opinion is that valentine's is just sickly and overrated. I don't bash people who do celebrate valentine's though, it's just not for me

I always felt the pressure of doing something special on valentine day but we don't choose that particular day for celebration or going out as it's crowded 😁 so choosing a different day has been my way of celebrating 🎉.

Agree about it being very problematic. As well as the issues R mentioned above I think Valentines can sometimes be seen as ‘the right way’ to acknowledge and celebrate your relationship when instead it can be used as a way to paper over so many cracks. Couples think they need to adhere to a societal expectation of how to conduct a relationship (which comes with spending money) when a healthier way of conducting a relationship, celebrating it and acknowledging it is often very individual (see love languages).

Certainly going out to be packed into a restaurant with other couples on Valentines day sounds awful to me - I would prefer to cook a special meal at home. However also if you have multiple partners who don't meet up then how would you chose which one gets treated and which don't?

So is the general view that, if you have multiple partners, you either ignore Valentine's day or send a joking/meme card to those you know would get the point?

I'd say, seeing how everyone here seems to think differently of this day, ask them! just like with birthdays. Every single person will probably have a different response to what they "expect" and isn't that the beauty of loving different people 😅 maybe some will want to climb a mountain and declare undying love hahhaAnd yes, it is definitely very much part of a toxic culture, but I still like it—as long as it's not like some hardcore stuff where you have to make a ceremony out of it. It feels nice to know there is someone who always thinks of you, but is thinking even more of you on a specific day (again, I'm a sentimental bitch).

Totally the same here. We usually do something “special” whenever we can throughout the year. Especially when we need a break from the everyday grind to recharge. 😊