Coming Out as Polyamorous? Here’s How!

Your guide to sharing your relationship choices with the world.

written by
last updated
July 1, 2021
mins read

Coming out as a polyamorous person is quite a tricky journey, especially in mainstream, normative spaces. There are many questions to consider when you decide to be more open to people around you: Is there such a thing as the right time? To whom should I come out? Is there a right time to do so? etc.

Before we get into it, we want to preface this by saying that these tips are for folks who want to come out to their loved ones and surroundings; you are not obligated to disclose your personal life to anyone if:

  • You don’t feel comfortable doing so or think it’s no one’s business to know.
  • It would put you in any type of danger (physical, financial, psychological, etc.).

Now, here are some tips that we just had to share with you:

#1: Find your people.

Surround yourself with the right people that you can feel safe and comfortable sharing that part of your life. It’s key to have at least a few people in your life who know and act as a support system. If you’re finding it difficult to find these in your life, we strongly recommend joining a community like LVRSNFRNDS (shameless plug!).

#2: Test the waters.

Start sharing films, books, art, etc. that discuss polyamory and non-monogamy, and see how people react to them to see if it’s safe to speak with them about you.

#3: Set yourself up for success.

Set up the right conditions and space for you to be comfortable during your discussion. e.g.: be 1:1, a public space, a quiet space, etc.

#4: Open up with your feelings.

Start the conversation by stating why this is important for you to share this intimate part of your life with this specific person to leverage your special connection. This will also help them understand that it is a serious discussion and they should view it as such.

#5: Follow your own pace.

Don’t rush yourself into coming out as polyamorous. There is no set timer on when you have to announce your approach to the world.

#6: Don’t assume they know.

Offer to share resources based on their tastes (books, films, Instagram accounts), that can help them learn more about polyamory and non-monogamy. Check out the LVRSNFRNDS resources center updated by our members regularly.

#7: Make it about your definition.

Non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationship, these all mean something different to different people. Put the words on what that means to you and why you feel like it iss necessary and important to you personally. How it works for you.

#8: Let go!

Remember that you can’t control how someone might react to something. It’s OK.

our take.

You see those little ready-made sentences people throw at you when they’re surprised by how you live your life? Use them when they share something conforming with going up the monogamous relationship escalator. Our personal favorite is: “I couldn’t do it but I’m happy for you.”